we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
