I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
