Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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