ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
