Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
