Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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