I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
