She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
