wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
