the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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