It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
