I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
