watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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