She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
