So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
