my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
