who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
