you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
