don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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