Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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