you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
