Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
