I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
