Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
