Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we're so committed to being not committed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
