I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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