My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
