why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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