So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
