I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
