I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
