so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
