were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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