i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
