I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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