just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
