VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
