I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
