last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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