i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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