i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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