i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
