I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
