i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
