So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
