I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
