Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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