No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
