shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
