Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
